So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
