Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
