about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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