I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
