Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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