that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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