YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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