I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
