he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
