Just fell off a train. Bad.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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