Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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