So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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