Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
