I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
