he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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