Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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