he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
