now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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