i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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