I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
