im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You ate ashes out of my bong
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
