Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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