I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
