Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
