I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
