I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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