Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
