Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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