Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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