So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
