explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
