Michael Bay diarrhea
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do vagina's smell?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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