i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
