maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
