come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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