i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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