Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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