Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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