I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
