My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
