You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
