Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
