Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is my gift to your gina
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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