I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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