he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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