I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
