Betty ford says i'm here all night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
