when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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