Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it was like eating out sand paper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you never un-have a 4some
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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