Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
