My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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