Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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