Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
