i already hear my dad disowning me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So. Much. Porn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
