I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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