I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
