Duck Duck Cougar?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
