you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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