I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
