i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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