Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
love makes seman taste better
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
