apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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