if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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