my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
